


Getting to Know Her

by ntmnky



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: F/M, Meditation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 19:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5978410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ntmnky/pseuds/ntmnky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beast Boy is frustrated by his attempts to draw Raven out. So he tries something she likes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Wish I Hadn’t Done That

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans, or Hasbro’s Nerf brand. I’m just borrowing them to play with for a bit. Then I’ll put them back, and no harm will be done. Well, not much, anyway.

‘The hell! I just don’t get it.’ I was thinking to myself, frustrated by yet another failed attempt to draw the dark, isolating Raven out of her shell. Well, “failed” may have been an understatement. “Spectacular disaster” came closer to doing it justice. ‘Why is it that everything I try to get her to laugh – or even smile – causes her to try killing me?’

I listened as Raven stormed down the hall, past the closet I was presently hiding within. ‘Good thing I usually don’t use the same hiding place twice in a row,’ I mused. ‘Maybe I should go talk this over with Cyborg. Lord knows that my thinking hasn’t gotten me the results I wanted. ‘Sides, it’ll give Raven a chance to calm down some.’

With that thought fresh in my head, I transformed into a small, green mouse, and slipped into the air vents, intent on finding my half metal friend.

* * *

Down in the garage of Titans Tower, Cyborg was under the hood of the T-Car, talking to himself. “What the hell was BB thinking when he did that?” Cyborg paused before continuing, “Well, he probably wasn’t thinking, anyway.” 

He reached out, setting down one wrench and picking up another. As he did so, I slipped out of the air vent, and onto a stack of auto parts boxes. In my mousey form, I climbed down to the floor and started scampering over to the mechanized man.

“He couldn’t just leave her alone, reading her book and drinking her tea, could he?” Cyborg was muttering to himself. “No. He has to throw the Nerf football at her, and then ask if she wants to come out and play. Stupid little grass stain might have lived if he had asked her, and then threw the ball. Even being dumb like that, he might have lived if he hadn’t spilled her tea with the ball.” Cyborg appeared to smile slightly. Typical that he’d be down here grumping about how I tend to act first, and think later.

‘Hm. Should I? Why not,’ I thought. I snuck up as close as I could to his left side, and transformed into my normal self just inches from Cyborg. 

“Byaw!” screamed the mechanized man, as he jumped away from me and the T-Car. “What are you doing, BB? Trying to send me to an early grave?”

“Actually, no,” I replied. “I came down here looking for some help. But not hiding from Raven or anything,” I quickly added, seeing the suspicious look he was giving me. I laughed nervously. I hate it when I do that.

Cyborg looked me over. I was pretty sure that he was unhappy with me. 

This was the first nice weekend of the spring, and I had wanted everyone to go out and play Nerf football with me. And when I went into the living room, I had just thrown the ball at Raven without thinking, and yelling, “Raven, catch!” at the same time. Of course I was too late, and when she looked up, she got a face full of Nerf football. She dropped her book on the floor. And then the ball knocked her tea off the table and onto her book, as it bounced away from her.

As soon as I saw this, I turned and ran as fast as I could until I came to the closet. I ducked inside to hide behind some coats that we seldom wore and a stack of old games. I could hear Star, Robin and Cy in the living room telling Raven that while I was a dumb-ass, I didn’t deserve to get killed. Just that I had acted without thinking. Again.

Raven’s response had been. “You’re probably right. I won’t kill him… Much.”

Cyborg looked at me for another few minutes. I could tell that I was starting to squirm. My butt was itching and I began to think that Cy was going to tie me down, wrap me up and present me to Raven as a peace offering. “All right….” he started. “What did you want help with?”

While I was thinking about how to start, my mouth began talking. “Well, it’s about Raven…”

“Oh no you don’t, BB. I am not getting involved in keeping you away from Raven until she calms down!” He was walking towards me, shaking his fist. “You know better than to throw footballs at her when she’s not looking!”

“Wait a second, Cyborg!” I protested. “Look, I probably deserve whatever she does to me when she finds me. And I don’t want you lying to her or helping me hide this time. Right now I’ll be happy if you don’t go rat me out right now. Just listen for a minute.” I looked down at my feet as I continued, “I like Raven a lot… As a friend… And I just want Raven to be a part of the group. I really want her to join us when we go do things, and I want her to participate. Not just fighting the bad guys, but when we play football, or go to the movies and stuff. But everything I try doing to get her involved makes her mad at me.”

Silence. The kind of silence you hear at parties when you yell at the top of your lungs, “But I like sucking on bananas,” and only the crickets reply.

“BB, do you know what you’re asking?” Cy asked me quietly.

“No, not really,” I responded. “I just want to do more things with her. You know, I’m her friend, but I don’t think that we know each other as well as we can, and I actually want to know more about her. And spend more time with her…” I started to drift off, thinking about how pretty her eyes were when she shared one of her rare smiles with us.

“Earth to BB!” Cyborg said as he gently shook my shoulder. “You were zoning out there again,” he stated. I gave him a weak smile, embarrassed that I had drifted off into space. Like always. Cyborg continued, “What have you tried getting her to do with us?”

“Well,” I paused, trying as hard as I could to think of all the things I’d tried to get Raven involved in. “There’s playing on the GameStation, football, breakfast…. Going out for pizza at the mall, um….” My mind fumbled, looking for a word. And not catching it. So I tried the next best thing, “And that thing where we go to the park and eat and talk and play football or throw the frisbee.”

“You mean a picnic?” Cy asked.

I nodded vigorously. Cy seldom lost his patience when I was having problems putting words together. It was one of the reasons I looked to my friend as something closer to the older brother I never really had.

I watched as Cyborg scratched his chin. “Those all seem like things that you like to do, BB. Tell me, can you name six things that Raven likes to do?” he asked.

I bit my lower lip to try and get my brain into ‘drive.’ I started with, “Um….”

‘Come on! It can’t be that hard to come up with six things Raven likes to do! I only spend most of my day trying to get her to pay attention to me and join us!’ I thought desperately to myself.

“Well,” I continued. “She likes to read her books.”

“Good. That’s one. Five more.”

“Meditate?”

“That’s two, BB. Four more.”

“Drink tea. Herbal tea. And yell at us when we disturb her.”

“Okay, BB. Only two more to go.” Cyborg said.

“Um. I know that she’s helped you a lot on the T-Car. Does she like that? Does it count?”

“Yes, she likes to help me, and yes, I think we can count it. One more to go.”

“And she likes being creepy.” I finished.

Cyborg looked at me as though I was off my nut. Well, I probably am. He shook his head, and spoke again. “Fine, we’ll call that six things that Raven likes to do. Are any of the things you’ve asked her to do things that Raven likes doing?”

I frowned. When Cyborg put it that way, I really only had one answer for him. “Well, no. Not really.”

Cyborg looked back under the hood of the T-Car for a moment. He looked satisfied to me, and he closed the hood. Then he turned to me. And I knew the look he was giving me. It was the ‘you really ought to try what I’m about to suggest’ look. I hate that look. And then he sighed! ‘Crap, he’s really going to give it to me this time,’ I thought.

“BB, maybe you should ask her to do one of the things you already know she likes to do. You know, meet her half-way,” Cyborg said. I must have frowned. “Reading really isn’t something that brings people together. Sure, you can do it at the same time as someone, but it’s not really an activity you do together.” He scratched his chin. “I’m not going to let both of you help me on the T-Car….”

‘What he’s really saying is that he doesn’t trust me to not break it,’ I thought.

“You don’t do creepy. Not the way she does, anyhow. And yelling at yourself when you do something stupid is likely to get you a vacation at Arkham. Tea….” Cyborg said that last thoughtfully.

“No way, Cy! I am not asking her to share a cup of tea with me! That stuff is nasty!” I yelled. Then I caught on to the creepy comment. “What do you mean by me not doing creepy like she does! I’m not creepy!” I protested.

“Okay, BB. You’re not really creepy. But when you start out on one of those theories about who Red X is….” Cyborg paused before continuing, “Well, that just leaves meditation, doesn’t it?”

I could feel him look at me, as I pretended to be interested in my shoelaces. ‘Wait, when’d that shoelace break?’ I thought. 

More long moments pass. I was pretty sure I couldn’t get out of this one. But that never stopped me from trying, “Come on, Cyborg! Let’s be reasonable here! One, I don’t know how to meditate. Two, I can’t set still for more than like five minutes at a stretch, and Raven meditates for hours. And three… Um… How would I ask her?”

Cyborg scratched his chin, trying to look like he was thinking. I got the distinct impression that he already know what he was going to say, but wanted it to look spontaneous. “You know,” he started, “down at the YMCA there’s a guy who runs a daily meditation clinic at noon. Perhaps you could start there. And in a few days – or weeks - maybe you could ask Raven if she’d like to join you. And you’d have something to talk about, too. Like why you tried it…”

Cyborg was interrupted by the door to the garage banging open. I turned around to see Raven, and not less than a dozen Nerf footballs surrounded by the black glow of her powers.

“You spilled my tea.”


	2. How Long Can Five Minutes Be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans, or Hasbro’s Nerf brand. I also do not own, nor am I affiliated with the YMCA. I’ll wipe them off and put them back when I’m done. This chapter feels low on action, but I think it’s necessary for the plot.

Four days after what was now being referred to as “The Nerf Incident,” I was still being careful about how I sat down. And I thought those things weren’t supposed to hurt. In their defense, I suspect that Hasbro never intended Nerf footballs to be flung by the powers of a half-demon superhero.

Cyborg and I had been playing Super Monkeys V on the GameStation most of that time. Well, Cyborg was playing. I’d spent the last few days thinking about what Cyborg and I had talked about before Raven gave me an education in why I shouldn’t spill her tea. And it was slowly beginning to sink in. ‘All the things I ask her to do with us are things we’d do whoever we were with. But they really aren’t things that I think Raven would do unless we asked her. I guess trying this meditation thing isn’t too unlike me asking her to play GameStation,’ I thought.

“Dude, that’s like the three hundredth time that I’ve beaten you today!” exclaimed Cyborg. “Would you please start paying attention!”

“I believe, Cyborg, that it is actually the three hundred thirty second time that you have done the kicking of Beast Boy’s ass since you started playing this game.” Leave it to Starfire to rub my nose in defeat, in the most cheerful of fashions. I think that Star could make the flu sound like a happy occasion that should be celebrated. Probably with pudding. Ugh.

“Forget it, Cy. I guess I’m just not in the mood to be playing games. Too sore, or something,” I said. “I’m going to my room for a bit.” I got up and moaned quietly as stiff, bruised muscles protested my asking them to do something useful.

As I was walking out of the room, I heard Starfire ask, “Friend Cyborg, what is wrong with Beast Boy? He does not seem to be himself lately.”

* * *

When I got back to my room, I tripped over a pile of clothes I’d forgotten about. ‘Damn. Need to do laundry today,’ I thought. ‘Well, I can do it in a while.’ I walked to my bed and sat down on the bottom bunk.

I looked over my room, and realized that it was a mess, even by my standards. In the last few days, I had found it easier by far to just drop things where I was than to put thing where they belonged. ‘Maybe I can hire a maid. Or a janitor who can secretly sneak in here at night to clean my room and put things up.’

Star was right. I really hadn’t been myself lately. And I couldn’t ignore it anymore. The stuff Cyborg had said to me about inviting Raven to do things I liked to do, but never bothering to try things she like had finally gotten through to me. ‘Wonder how many times he’s tried to tell me that before…’ I looked at my clock and saw that it was 11:34.

“Just enough time to get there,” I said to myself, as I opened the window. I transformed into a vulture, and jumped out of the tower. I caught an updraft, and climbed a thermal until I was well over the island. Turning away from the tower, I started flying to the city.

* * *

I walked into a building near downtown that appeared to have seen better days. Inside, I was surprised to see that while the furnishings were old, they were kept extraordinarily clean. There was a counter on the right with some brochures about the YMCA lying out, and ahead of me, I could see several treadmills and other exercise equipment. Behind the counter sat a young woman, and an old man. 

I thought about flirting with the girl while asking for directions to the meditation group, but decided against it. I was too nervous and didn’t want to sound like a huge idiot in front of her. And I still didn’t have a Moped to show off. So I walked up to the old guy. “Hey, um,” I started. “I was wondering if you could tell me where the meditation group meets?”

The old guy looked over at me, surprise showing on his face. “Well, now. Haven’t had many people looking for that lately. Much less a Teen Titan. Hang on a moment,” he turned and picked up the phone, and pressed a few buttons. After a moment, he said, “John, we’ve got a young fellow here looking for the meditation group. You want to come down for him? See you soon.” The older man hung the phone up, looked at me and said, “John will be right down to take you to the meditation group. You can wait over there.”

I looked “over there.” Three folding chairs that had seen better days were lined up opposite the counter. I sat down in the one closest to the doors in case I decided that I couldn’t take it and needed to bolt. While I waited, my foot started to tap, and I started counting the spots on the floor tiles. ‘Am I doing the right thing? Why am I here? Maybe I should just go… I’m probably just bothering this John guy,’ I thought while I waited.

I had just started to see which animals I could make out of the dots on the floor, when I heard a man walking towards me. ‘This must be John’, I thought.

He started speaking as I looked up, “Hi, my name is John. Are you here for the meditation group?”

As I looked at him, I realized that while I hadn’t been sure what I was expecting, it wasn’t this. I guess I was expecting someone a little, well, middle aged and doughy. Instead, I was saw a young man in his late twenties, who stood about 5’8” and if his forearms were any indication, wasn’t doughy in the slightest. He was wearing a pair of work boots, well faded jeans, and an orange oxford shirt that he had left untucked and rolled the sleeves up on. I felt my brain pop into neutral as it tried to adjust to the reality before me.

‘Crap, I’m actually gonna have to go to this meditation thing and I have no idea what I’m getting myself into’ my mind raced. Then my mouth opened, “Well, um, yea. I guess. Oh, and I’m Beast Boy,” I wanted to crawl under a rock given how intelligent my reply sounded.

John just smiled at this and said, “Well, then. Come with me.” He waited while I got out of my chair, and then started leading me deeper into the building and up to a room on the second floor.

“Well, here we are,” John said, as he opened the door to a room. I stepped into what appeared to be a small office, but without any of the usual office furniture. Instead, there were a half dozen chairs, and a single bookshelf against the wall. The windows had their blinds up, letting in the soft light of early spring.

“Um, like where is everyone?” I asked. 

“Well,” John started, “today it looks like it’s going to be just us. Tuesday isn’t actually one of the days that we run the meditation clinic on, but I come in anyway in case someone really needs a quiet place.”

“Oh. Well, then I guess I should really get going. I don’t want to be bothering you,” I said, relieved that I didn’t actually have to go through with this. 

I was turning back to the door when John spoke again, “Really, it’s not a bother. I was going to do some meditation myself.” He paused, as my shoulders slumped. “You’re new at this,” was all he said.

“How could you tell?” I asked.

“Well, for one, you don’t look terribly comfortable here. Tell you what. Why don’t you grab a chair and tell me why you came today,” John said as he took a seat himself.

Hell. I was feeling trapped. So my choices were to flee, answer John’s questions seriously, or do what I usually do. I went for the usual. I noticed a whiteboard on the wall with some pens. I grabbed those and quickly drew a picture of me and some aliens. “Well, John. I’m really not the sort of person who would try meditation. So I figure that zombie aliens kidnapped me, probed me and left the suggestions to try meditating as part of their experiments on superheroes. Or,” I began as I drew another bad picture of myself, this time restrained by duct tape, “I was kidnapped and replaced by a perfect doppelganger – except for the inexplicable desire to meditate.”

I looked at John. He wasn’t buying it. He was buying less of my explanation than Raven ever did. ‘Crap. I’ll just have to tell him the truth,’ I thought. “Well, John, the truth is I’m not really sure why I’m here. I was having a problem with one of my friends not wanting to do anything with me and another one of my friends pointed out that I never ask my friend to do things that she likes to do, so maybe I should try doing something that she likes doing,” I stopped because I was out of breath. But I felt better for saying why I was there.

“Your friend who likes to meditate. Does she have a name?” John inquired.

Knowing that Raven would kill me for talking about her, I decided to obfuscate a little. “I call her Rae.” Enough truth that I wasn’t lying, but vague enough – I hoped – to prevent John from immediately knowing that I was talking about Raven.

“And why do you suppose that Rae meditates?” John asked.

“Well, I know that she does it a lot when she’s stressed out. She says that it keeps her centered.” I stop, not knowing why else Raven might meditate.

“That’s a good reason to meditate. For many people it does bring a certain calmness. In fact that’s one of the benefits I get from meditation as well,” John said. “I also get a sense of oneness with existence, and an understanding that I am not so different from anyone else. And if you meditate for a while, you’ll probably find your own reasons for doing it. Do you know how to meditate?”

“Well, not really, no. Rae just sits there and keeps saying the same thing over and over,” I said, thinking once again about how peaceful she looked, floating a few feet off the ground, eyes closed, face relaxed.

“That’s called a mantra, Beast Boy. She’s probably using it to focus,” John explained. Realizing that I might actually stay for a while, I took a seat across from John. “There are many ways to meditate, and some work better for some people than others. That’s part of why we have this meditation group. Each time we meet, we try a different form of meditation. But since this is your first time, we’re going to try something easy. Breath counting.”

I know that I looked at him like he was nuts. “What, I just sit here and count how often I breathe?”

“Not exactly.” He produced an egg timer from his pocket. “We’re going to do this for about five minutes. But the first thing is your posture. You want to sit like a mountain,” As he said this, I noticed him shift slightly in his chair, his back was straight, and his body was centered over his hips. I shifted from my sprawling position to more closely match his posture. “You can do this with your eyes open, or closed. You want to count your exhales, one through four, starting again at one. And focus on your breathing. Now, it is likely that your mind is going to wander. If you catch it, look at the thought and say, ‘Well, that is an interesting idea’ and let it go. Think you can do it?”

I nodded, and he inverted the egg timer and set it on the ground. I closed my eyes and started to count my breathing.

In. Out. ‘One.’

In. Out. ‘Two.’

In. Out. ‘Three.’

In. Out. ‘Four.’

In. Out. ‘One.’

In. Out. ‘Two.’

In. Out. ‘I wonder what Raven is doing right now. She’s probably sitting in the rec room, reading one of her creepy books. I wonder what it is that she sees in those. Crap. Thinking, not counting. But it was interesting. I’ll start over’

In. Out. ‘One.’

In. Out. ‘Two.’

In. Out. ‘How can I get Cyborg to try some tofu? I know it’s not going to kill him, but he doesn’t seem to understand that. Wait, interesting, but not meditating.’

In. Out. ‘One.’

In. Out. ‘ Maybe Star and Robin would help me get Cy to try some tofu? Or Raven could hold him down. Wait. Interesting, but not meditating.’

In. Out. ‘One.’

In. Out. ‘Two.’

In. Out. ‘Is it over yet? I want to go back to the tower. Maybe annoy Raven. Or replace Cyborg’s meat with tofu.’ I opened my eyes and saw that far less than half the sand had drained in the egg timer. ‘How am I ever going to do this for five minutes? Damn it! It shouldn’t be this hard!’ I closed my eyes again and angrily started counting my breaths again.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity of fighting my mind (and losing), I heard John speak. “Time’s up. How are you holding up?”

“Bah!” I replied, thinking that it wasn’t my most intelligent answer ever. But I was really irritated at how hard it had been to try to focus on something as simple as counting.

“You were getting angry that your mind was wandering, weren’t you?” John asked.

‘How can he know that?’ I thought to myself, forgetting my outburst a moment before.

He continued to speak, “It’s a normal reaction when you meditate. Your mind wants to wander. It doesn’t like discipline. It would rather be anywhere but focused on a single task for any length of time. And many of the younger people that I know – the ones who grew up on television and video games - have an even harder time with it.” He laughed. “I remember when I first started meditating. I thought I was going to explode. And I just kept getting pissed off that my mind wanted to think about something else. It helped when I found out that it’s called ‘monkey mind.’”

‘Great,’ I thought, ‘he’s telling the guy who can be a monkey that he has the mind of one.’ I asked, “And how do I get past that?”

“Well, if I were you, I’d try to meditate for five minutes twice a day, and come back here at noon the next few Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

He handed me the egg timer, and I said, “Uh, sure. See you Thursday.”

* * *

As I stood on the street corner, it occurred to me that I really had no idea what I had gotten myself into, or why I had agreed to come back.


	3. Laundry Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans. And I don’t own a pair of bowling shoes. But I will return either of those in good shape.

It was strangely quiet when I got back to the Tower. Admittedly, I’m usually the noisiest one of the bunch, but usually when I get back, the noise of Cyborg’s tools can be heard coming from the garage. And Robin should be taking his frustrations out on some poor punching bag in the gym. Starfire would usually be making a new batch of pudding for some bizarre occasion that she would push on us – or Silky. Sneaking that larva home had been one of the best ideas I ever had. Instead, I heard none of that.

What I did hear as I approached the kitchen was the whistle of a tea kettle. ‘At least Raven is here,’ I thought, comforted by the idea that the tower wasn’t completely empty. I’ve never done well when there’s no one around. And I couldn’t think of anything I had done today to piss Raven off, so I decided to see if she knew where the others had gotten off to.

Still sore from the last time I had upset Raven, and knowing that she doesn’t care for people sneaking up on her, I scuffed my shoes against the floor as I entered the kitchen. Her back was to me, the hood of her cloak down for a change. She had taken the kettle off as I entered and appeared to be pouring the hot water from the kettle into a tea pot. I’d never known Raven to do anything half-way, and her tea making was one of the rituals that she was very particular about. Without turning around, she greeted me, “Hello, Beast Boy.”

“Um, hi, Raven. How’d you know it was me? And where’d the others go?” I responded. I watched her slender hands get down a tea cup. ‘Hard to believe that so much destructive power could be contained within such a delicate vessel,’ I thought.

“I knew it was you because the others left for pizza 15 minutes ago. I stayed here.” 

Her reply effectively answered both of my questions, and left our conversation with very little life. However, I’m not the kind of guy who can let a dying conversation pass away without going to heroic efforts to save it. “So, why’d you stay here?”

“I stayed because I didn’t want to see if Starfire could find something worse than mint frosting to put on pizza. And to have some tea,” came her reply, as she poured a cup of tea from the pot into her cup. Then her voice dropped to an even, dangerous tone. “Tea,” she said, “that isn’t going to get spilled.”

“Right, um,” I said as I scratched a sudden itch between my shoulders and started backing out of the kitchen. “I guess I’m going to go hang in my room for a bit. If you get bored…” She turned her head to look at me, and I had the distinct feeling that she was going to have to be a lot more than “bored” to seek out my company. “Never mind, then,” I said as I turned and ran down the hall to my room.

I opened the door and quickly walked in, again tripping over the pile of laundry I had left near the door. ‘Hell. Forgot about that. May as well do my laundry now.’

* * *

The amount of laundry that I have to do never ceases to amaze me. I’d spent most of the afternoon down in the laundry room of the Tower, bored out of my mind, and I had recently started my last load in the dryer. ‘Come on! How can it take this long? I only have one kind of uniform! It’s not like I have to sort my wash by colors. Unlike some people…’

There was a veritable mountain of clean uniforms, socks, boxers and sweats sitting on a table, waiting for me to fold – or drag back into my room and toss on the “clean” pile. The others had come back twenty minutes before, but I have learned that if I leave a task unfinished I’ll never finish it. And leaving my laundry half done in the shared laundry room was a recipe for Raven to be pissed off at me. Again.

Pacing, I put my hand in my pocket, and found the egg timer that John had given me that afternoon. “Why not,” I said to myself quietly.

I sat down in one of the chairs I had dragged down here a few months before. I placed my feet flat on the floor, back straight over my hips, and tried to sit like a mountain. I set the egg timer out on the floor in front of me, its sand pouring down the five minute time. I closed my eyes and began.

‘In. Out. One.’

‘In. Out. Two.’

‘In. Out. Three.’

‘In. Out. Four.’

I opened my eyes a few minutes later, and was surprised to see that the egg timer had run out of sand. And I had no idea of how much time had actually passed. This time I had thoughts wander into my head, and I had been able to look at them and let them go without getting angry. I had also noticed that more often than not, Raven was a part of those thoughts. Either I was coming up with a new scheme to get at Cyborg which I needed Rae’s help with, or I was coming up with a scheme to make Raven smile.

I felt a little odd at the amount I was thinking about Raven. ‘Guess it’s because I want her to do things with me and the guys,’ I thought.

The dryer buzzed, signaling its completion. Knowing that I was never actually going to put my laundry away, I grabbed the warm clothes from the dryer, piled them on top of the mound already done, and dragged it all back to my room.

* * *

I headed back to the rec room after I had dumped my laundry in the “clean” corner of my room. On my way down the stairs, I noticed that Raven was in her usual chair, reading one of the books that seemed to be semi-permanently attached to her. ‘I wonder if she feels naked without one of her thick, creepy books nearby… Like I do when I forget my watch,’ I thought. Sitting on a small table was a cup of her tea.

Keeping my distance from the table with the tea on it, I made my way for the couch. As usual (well, usual for when I get around to doing laundry), Robin and Cyborg were sitting on the couch playing on the GameStation, and Starfire was behind Robin, cheering him on. I smiled slightly at that. When Cy and I played, she’d cheer for both of us equally. If Robin was playing against Cyborg or me, Starfire didn’t seem to notice that we existed.

‘If Robin doesn’t notice how much Starfire is into him soon, I may have to try something drastic. I wonder if I can get a gerbil army to chew ‘Starfire loves you’ in Robin’s sheets.’ Sitting down on the couch, I announced my presence, “Hey. I play winner.”

“Okay,” came Robin’s terse reply. Cyborg and Robin were playing Furious ATV Off-Road Racing 3, which was not one of my favorite games, but still fun. Robin’s red ATV and Cyborg’s blue one were neck and neck as they approached the finish line. Suddenly Robin swerved into Cyborg, causing him to crash into a tree, allowing Robin to win.

“Glorious, Robin! You are the victor!” cheered Starfire

“Nice move, Robin. I couldn’t have done that better myself,” Cyborg said. His relationship with Robin is very different from that with me. Far fewer accusations of cheating and more quiet respect. Sometimes I envied that. Cyborg tossed his controller to me, saying, “You’re up, grass stain. Come on Star, let’s go make Robin some ‘Pudding of Victory’.”

“Wonderful!” Starfire exclaimed.

I saw Robin get pale as he protested, “No, Star, Cyborg. You don’t have to do that. Really.”

“But, Robin, it is no trouble and since you were victorious it would be most appropriate! And with Cyborg’s help, I am certain that it will not take long to prepare,” Starfire said, her lips beginning to pout.

Robin shot Cyborg a look that I was sure could kill any normal man, as he said, “If it’ll make you happy, go ahead, Starfire.”

As Starfire and Cyborg left the room, Robin started a new game. “So,” I asked Robin, “how was lunch?”

“It was good, Beast Boy. We couldn’t find you to ask if you wanted to come.”

“Well….” I really didn’t want to tell Robin where I had been, especially since Raven was still behind us reading. And she seemed to have hearing nearly as good as mine sometimes. “I had other things I needed to do. So I left the Tower a little early.”

We were nearing the end of the first lap, and I had started to bite my lower lip. Unfortunately, Robin wasn’t finished yet. “It’s not like you to go out before lunch. Are you okay? Anything bothering you? Starfire said that you were acting a little off this morning.”

I looked at Robin. One of the best – and worst – traits about Robin has always been his concern for the well-being of his teammates. With Raven behind us, it did not seem like a good time to tell Robin that I had been out to a meditation group. “I’m fine, Robin. Nothing bothering me. Except that you’re ahead of me.”

We raced in silence for a few minutes. A lot of the time it isn’t fun to taunt Robin. He just doesn’t respond the way Raven or Cyborg would. ‘Between his obsession with Slade, and trying to make Starfire feel accepted, there’s probably not a lot of room in his head to deal with taunting,’ I thought.

“You know, BB,” Robin said, “I don’t know why you even try racing against me. I’m just going to beat you.”

‘Okay. I guess he can taunt.’ Indignant, I responded, “No way, Robin. You can beat the Tin Man, but you are not going to beat Beast Boy, master of the GameStation!”

As we approached the finish line on the final lap, Robin spoke again, “I’ve got you now, BB. How’s it feel to lose?”

“Dude! I haven’t lost yet,” I exclaimed, and tried the same stunt I’d seen him use against Cyborg. And it had the same result. Robin’s ATV crashed into a virtual tree, and I won the race.

From behind me, I heard Starfire. “Glorious day, friend Beast Boy! You have won, and the ‘Pudding of Victory’ is ready! I shall serve you some!”

I turned to look at Starfire. She was floating a few inches above the floor, holding a bowl that contained an unhealthy looking, bright pink ‘pudding’.

I heard Robin say, very quietly, “Told you I’d win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beast Boy’s experiences with meditation are loosely based on my own. However, your mileage may vary.


	4. Something’s Different Around Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans. But if they ever showed up on eBay, I would probably place a bid.

As it usually does, time had slipped away from me. Spring had passed on to an unusually warm summer. And rather than the heat keeping the villains inside, they had come out to play with their favorite team of superheroes. Us. Over the last few weeks the other Titans and I had fought Dr. Light, Mumbo Jumbo, Gizmo and Mammoth (we all wondered where Jynx had gotten off to), and Johnny Rancid. And last night we had the ‘privilege’ of stopping Control Freak’s take over of an electronics store.

Even with the extra work, I had managed to stick to my commitment of meditating twice a day and going to the meditation group twice a week. While I’ve tried a bunch of different kinds of meditation, I found that a couple were working really well for me. 

This particular morning – after I brushed my teeth, but before leaving my bedroom – I was doing a variation of breath counting. I called it breath awareness. I had found that I got lost in the counting, and having to start over was irritating me enough that I’d quit meditating. So I quit counting and simply started paying attention to what happened in my body during the transition from inhalation to exhalation. Turbulent air in my nose. My lungs full of air and slowly relaxing. Random thoughts still wandered into my head while meditating, but less often and with less urgency.

I opened my eyes to look at the sandglass. A few weeks before, I had given up on the five minute egg timer and picked up the 20 minute glass sitting in front of me. Pleased to see that all the sand had run, I looked around my room. It was… Cleaner. Not what I would call ‘neat’, but I was a lot less likely to trip on my laundry, or find a three week old slice of pizza on the floor.

I stood up and stretched. ‘Hungry. Wonder what’s for breakfast,’ I thought, as I made my way out of my room and down the hall to the kitchen. Before I had gone very far, I smelled the unmistakable odor of cooking meat. ‘Damn it, Cyborg got there before I did.’

Coming around the corner, I saw Cyborg cooking bacon to go along with a rather large stack of pancakes. Star and Robin were on the couch in the rec room, talking quietly. And Raven. Raven was at the counter, her back to me, making a cup of tea.

“Hey, BB! You want some bacon and pancakes?” Cyborg called to me.

“Um, no, Cyborg. No bacon. I’ve been a pig before. Why would I want to eat one? But I will have some pancakes as long as your nasty meat hasn’t touched them.”

“Look, you green elf, my bacon is not nasty. My bacon is a wonderful blend of pork, apple-wood smoke and love,” Cyborg rebutted, as he piled a bunch of pancakes onto a plate for me. “Unlike your nasty tofu stuff.”

“Look, Cyborg. I am not eating meat. Not today. Not tomorrow. And probably not any time in the future,” I said, as I moved to the fridge. Opening it, I grabbed my package of tofu bacon and a carton of fake eggs. Setting all that down on the counter, I closed the fridge with my foot and called to Raven, “Oh, Ravey! Want some tofu eggs and bakey?”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit when she turned to face me, her eyes narrowed a bit. She hated it when I called her “Ravey”. I started counting down in my head, ‘Three, two, one, and…’

“Beast Boy, don’t call me ‘Ravey’. And no, I do not want any tofu eggs or bacon. Or anything else made from tofu,” she said as she picked up her cup of tea, and made her way out of the kitchen and back towards the roof or her room.

‘Probably to her room, given how freaking hot it’s been,’ I thought. Grabbing the tofu bacon and eggs, I moved to the stove that Cyborg had just abandoned. I made a few pieces of tofu bacon and a couple of eggs worth of fake eggs to go along with the tower of pancakes that Cyborg had left for me. I got my plate and move out to the table to join Cyborg, only to realize that while I have been cooking, he’s been inhaling his food.

“Hey, Cy. After breakfast, you want to play that new Super Monkey Smackdown game I got?”

“Sorry, BB,” replied Cyborg. “I have some work I need to get done on the T-Car. Control Freak really did a number on it last night. You know how it is. If you need me, I’ll be down in the garage.” He got up, placed his dishes in the sink, and headed to the elevator.

Suspecting that Star and Robin would spend the rest of their morning on the couch – flirting, even if they denied it - I finished my breakfast in silence. After I was done, I put my plate in the sink, and went back to my room.

* * *

“P-Ting! P-Ting! P-Ting!”

I looked up from the papers on my desk where I had been trying to figure out if Speedy was Robin’s clone, twin brother, a bizarre coincidence, or an evil doppelganger, to look at my door. I got up to open the door, muttering to myself, “When I get my own place, it is not going to have steel doors. Freaking sounds like an aluminum baseball bat every time someone knocks!”

Opening the door, I was surprised to see Starfire. “Um, hey Star. Can I help you?”

“Perhaps you can, friend Beast Boy,” she said to me. “May I come in?”

“Um, well, yeah, I guess,” I answered, nervously scratching the back of my head. “What’s up?”

Starfire frowned for a moment, which I found to be very disturbing. “Friend Robin has gone to see if he can find any clues to how Dr. Light was able to escape from prison. Raven is meditating and does not wish to be disturbed. And friend Cyborg is repairing his automobile. And since I have something I must discuss now, you are my only choice.”

‘I wonder if Star knows that she just said I was her last choice of people to talk to. Probably not…’ I thought. “So what did you need to talk about? I’d be willing to listen,” I said to her, as I waved her to the chair by my desk.

“I find this somewhat… Difficult,” said Starfire, as she sat primly in the chair. “I must talk with you,” she paused for a moment, “about you.”

“Um, how’s that?” I asked. I grabbed another chair for myself, surprised that I did not have to push a pile of debris off it.

“I do not believe that the others have noticed,” Starfire began, “but you are not acting like yourself, friend Beast Boy.”

“Um, hello, Star. How can I not act like myself?” I wasn’t sure where Starfire was going with this, but I didn’t believe that it could be good.

“Beast Boy, I have noticed many small things about you that are different. And I can no longer ignore them. The first thing I noticed was that you no longer accuse Cyborg of cheating at the games of the video as often as you used to. Instead you often congratulate him when he is doing the kicking of your ass.” Starfire brightened considerably as she started counting the things that she saw as different about me on her fingers. “You do not argue as much about the tofu foods being better than the meat foods. Your room is cleaner. You have not annoyed Raven as much. You do not complain every time Robin decides we need an extra training session. These little changes that make me wonder if you are a Blorg’Nak that has taken the form of my friend.”

“Um, Star, what’s a blognik?”

She looked at me for a moment before answering. “A Blorg’Nak is a hideous beast that takes the shape of someone in order to eat their family and friends.”

Noticing that Star’s hands had begun to glow green as she spoke about that Blorg’Nak thing, I slowly raised my hands. “Look, Starfire. I’m not a Blorg’Nak. I’m just me, Beast Boy.”

“Then why have you begun to act differently, Beast Boy? Are you perhaps feeling unwell?”

I thought for a moment, wondering how best to answer Starfire’s question. “Actually, Star, I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. Look, can you keep a secret for me?” I waited until she had nodded before continuing, “The thing is that I guess the way I act on the outside has been changing because the way I think has been changing. A couple of months ago, Cyborg suggested that I go to this meditation group to try it out for a bit because I wanted to ask Raven to do something with me that she liked to do. Only a few times after I actually started meditating, I found that I liked it. The thing is that I’m calmer most of the time now. And while I don’t agree with some people’s choices about food, I don’t feel like I have to change them anymore. And it’s not worth the energy to complain about all the training Robin makes us do. And I think that I’m beginning to understand everyone here more.”

“Beast Boy, that is glorious news!” As Starfire spoke, her hands quit glowing, and she began to float out of her chair. “The changes I have seen are not because you are a hideous monster, but because you are doing the meditation! Now I will not have to fight you. How long have you been meditating?”

“A couple of months,” I replied.

“And have you asked Raven to join you?”

“No, not really,” I said.

“Then let us go together and ask Raven to meditate with us!”

“No! Wait, Star! You said she didn’t want to be disturbed! Besides, you don’t understand!” I grabbed her wrist and pulled back has hard as I could as she floated towards the door.

“What do I not understand, Beast Boy? You have begun the meditation so you can ask Raven to join you. And you have not done that yet. So why not ask her now?” 

Starfire had quit dragging me to the door, and was now looking back at me. I let go of her wrist and said, “I’m just not sure how I want to ask her. Cyborg just suggested that I try it. But we never really talked about how I was going to ask Raven. About the only thing I do know is that I want to ask her the first time by myself. Over the last few weeks, I’ve realized that Raven doesn’t really do groups. Not the way the rest of us do.”

Star looked at me, her brow pursed in thought. “Perhaps you should ask Cyborg about how to ask Raven to join you. However, I confess that I do not understand why it would be any different from simply asking Raven to join us for pizza.”

“It just…” I was stumped. I couldn’t form a rational answer for Star, so I finished by saying, “It’s just different, Star.” 

What I hadn’t told Star, is that over the last few weeks, I had noticed that the random thoughts that come to me while meditating almost all related to Raven in some way or another. I had told myself that it was just because out of all my friends, Raven was the one I knew the least about. And the one I wanted to know the most about. And I was afraid that if I botched asking Raven to go meditating, that she’d never agree to it. And that felt like it would be worse than anything else Raven could do to me.

“I will respect your request to keep this a secret, Beast Boy. But I would ask that you speak about this with Cyborg soon.”

“I will, Starfire,” I answered. Somewhat deflated, Starfire’s feet touched the ground, and she walked out of my room. “Talk to you later.”

“Goodbye,” she replied.

I closed my door, and leaned my back against it. I let my feet move away from me slowly, as I slid to a seated position.

* * *

I was in the kitchen finishing off a late snack, when I heard the faint swish-swish of a cloaked figure walking down the hall. ‘Is it already two in the morning? Must be,’ I thought. I got out the tea kettle and filled it with water. Then I set it on the stove, as Raven entered the kitchen.

“Morning, Rae. I started some water for you,” I said as I turned around. Raven stood at the doorway, the hood of her cloak around her shoulders, as though she wasn’t expecting to see anyone. And most of the time, she probably wouldn’t. Over the years, when Cyborg and I were up late playing games, we noticed that Raven always came down for a cup of tea at two in the morning. We never talked about it in front of her, but Cyborg and I had tried – and succeeded – in setting a watch by her nightly tea.

In her trademark monotone, Raven said, “Please don’t call me ‘Rae’.” Then her voice softened slightly, “Thanks for starting some water.”

Smirking lightly, I replied, “Not problem, Rae...ven.” I yawned. “I’m going to go crash. Enjoy your tea.”

She nodded, and said, “Thank you. Sleep well.”

As I turned the corner to go down the hall, I thought I heard her whisper, “…BB.”


	5. Do I Hafta?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans. But I do watch them on TV.

“Mmuuuhhgh.”

That morning, the light from the sun was an unwelcome visitor for me. Perhaps it was because I had stayed up too late playing Super Skull Monkeys on the GameStation. Or – and I thought more likely – it was because soy milk and wasabi peas as a late night snack were a Bad Idea (tm). Half the time I was supposed to be sleeping had been spent cursing myself for eating a half pound of wasabi peas and a gallon of soy milk, and the other half had been spent wondering if I had really heard Raven whisper “BB”.

In the years that we had been Teen Titans together, I had so seldom heard Raven call any of us by our nicknames that I was sure I could count all those times on one hand. So, about seven in the morning, I had decided that it was my imagination at work. ‘Not using nicknames probably helps her feel like she’s distant from us,’ I had thought. ‘It’s like she tries to not make friends.’ That rationalization had allowed me to pass into a fitful slumber, during which I think I dreamt of the times when Rae and I had managed to be friends, as opposed to ‘just teammates’.

Reluctantly, I looked at my wall clock, only to see that I had managed to sleep through what had remained of the morning. ‘Eleven-thirty, and I promised to Star that I would talk to Cyborg soon.’ I rolled into a sitting position. “And a headache that could kill,” I mumbled to myself, wishing that I had just stayed lying down.

Knowing that Starfire might wait until dinner time to eagerly ask how my conversation with Cyborg had gone, I slumped out of bed, and made my way to the shower.

* * *

Twenty minutes of hot shower had almost made a new Beast Boy out of me. My head no longer felt as though World War III was being held within it. Now I had a simple, dull throb behind my left eye. Annoying, but nothing a few aspirin couldn’t fix. And I was now on my way to the kitchen to get something to wash those two aspirin down.

Rounding the corner, I was pleased to see that the rec room and kitchen were empty. It appeared that the others had gone out to get lunch or something. I walked into the kitchen, and got down a small glass. I ran some tap-water into it, which I used hurriedly to wash the pair of aspirin down.

With the aspirin on their way to complete my recovery from a fatigue induced headache, I wandered into the rec room proper and called out, “Dudes! Anybody here? Hellooo?!” As I walked to the couch, I saw two notes stuck to the television. I pulled them off, careful to not leave any tape gunk on the screen. I noted that one was in Robin’s tight, almost cramped scrawl. And the other was in Raven’s more elegant, flowing hand.

I sat down on the couch, and read Raven’s note first, “I went out to get some more tea and a book. I’ll be back later this today. – Raven.”

The note from Robin read, “BB, we went out for pizza. See you this afternoon. Robin.”

I tossed the notes on the coffee table, leaned back in the couch, and put my feet up. Comfortable, I closed my eyes and enjoyed resting on the couch for a moment. “Good. Now I won’t have to talk to Cyborg,” I sighed to myself.

“Talk to Cyborg about what?”

I slowly opened my eyes, hoping that I was not going to see what I knew I would. Cyborg was standing behind the couch looking down at me. “Dude! You’re not supposed to be here!” I yelled.

“Oh?” he asked. “And why not?”

I leaned forward and grabbed the notes. Waving them under his nose, I exclaimed, “Because Raven’s out getting more tea and you and Robin and Starfire went out for pizza!” 

Cyborg grabbed the notes out of my hands and read them. “Neither of these notes say anything about me,” he said.

“Wait! Robin’s note…”

“Says here that he went out for pizza with someone – not who he went with. He left with Star about a half hour ago.” Cyborg narrowed his eyes a tiny bit before he continued, “Now, what is it that you didn’t want to talk to me about? Star whished me a ‘pleasant conversation with friend Beast Boy’ when she left.”

“Oh, um. She did?” I laughed nervously. I’d been avoiding talking to Raven about meditating with me for nearly two months. Now I wanted to avoid talking about it with Cyborg – preferably forever.

“Yeah, she did. So what’s going on that you told Star you’d talk to me when you didn’t want to?” Cyborg asked.

Deciding that I would be happier if I didn’t delay the inevitable conversation with Cyborg, I stood up and started pacing nervously. “Remember a couple of months ago when Raven was trying to kill me?”

Cyborg scratched his head. “Not really. You frequently give her reasons to try to kill you and it all sorta blurs together after a while. Which time was this?”

“You know! The time when I spilled her tea and you suggested that I try something she likes and ask her to do that instead of always asking her to do things that I already know I like!” I was frustrated, and had to take a moment to catch my breath. ‘How can somebody whose brain is half computer forget something like that?’ I thought to myself.

“Yeah, I remember now. I don’t think I ever want to see a football do that to a person again…” He shuddered slightly and continued, “As I recall, I suggested that you try meditating and ask her to join you. How’d that work out?”

“Well, that’s why I needed to talk to you,” I said.

Shaking his head, Cyborg asked, “What did you do, BB?”

“I haven’t done anything! I started going to that meditation group, but I haven’t done anything,” I protested.

Cyborg sighed. “You never asked Raven to go with you, did you?”

“Well, no.” At this point in my pacing I was next to the coat closet, which I opened and pulled a sheet covered chalkboard out. “I was going to ‘forget’ the whole thing, but I found that I kinda like meditating. And then after I’d been doing it for a while, I thought about asking Raven. But then I got to thinking about what would happen if she thought I was teasing her or something.” While I spoke, I wheeled the chalkboard in front of Cyborg, and pulled the sheet off.

I pointed to the right side of the chalkboard, where there was a poor drawing of myself hanging over a pool of sharks, “She’d feed me to the sharks!” Next, I pointed at a drawing of a trunk wrapped in chains, “Or lock me in a trunk for the rest of eternity!” The next drawing was one of me in a dress, while with Starfire pinning the hems, “Or tell Star that I wanted to help her fit a dress!” At the end of the chalkboard, I got ready to turn it around for Cyborg.

“BB! That’s enough! Raven isn’t going to kill you if you ask her to go meditating with her. She might wonder if you’re feeling well, but that’s about it,” Cyborg said. Then, suddenly suspicious, he added, “Unless you asked her to meditate with her and used that to pull a prank…”

“Dude,” I whined, “I wouldn’t use meditation as an excuse to pull a prank on Raven! And you didn’t let me get to my pièce de résistance where…”

“And I’m not going to let you get there. I don’t need to see another bad drawing from you today.” Cyborg sighed. “Do you think,” Cyborg began to look hopeful as he spoke, “that you could ask Raven tonight to go with you tomorrow?”

“But, dude, I don’t know what she’s going to say! And she still might kill me!”

“BB, no one knows how someone is going to answer until they ask. And Raven isn’t going to kill you over this.” Then Cyborg had to add, “Go on. Ask her. You know you want to.”

I shook my head and asked, “Is there any way that we can pretend that we never had this conversation and go on with our lives?”

“I don’t think so, BB. Besides, do you want Raven to do more things with us?” Cyborg asked.

I simply nodded.

“Do you want her to come with us to the park and pizza joint?”

I nodded again.

“Have you ever done anything with Raven that you know she likes?”

I frowned for a moment, and was forced to shake my head.

“Do you think that maybe it’s time you did?”

I nodded.

“Then,” Cyborg said, “ask her tonight about meditating with you tomorrow. I promise she won’t kill you. I got your back, okay?”

“Okay, Cy, but if she kills me, I’m going to haunt you,” I said, and turned to go to my room.

* * *

When I got back to my room, my thoughts were racing. ‘Cyborg’s right. Raven isn’t going to change unless something else changes first. And since I’m the one who wants things to change, I probably need to be the one who changes first.’

Uncomfortable about the conversation I was going to try to have with Raven later, I decided to meditate and see if I could calm down. I sat down in the chair at my desk, and tried to sit like a mountain. Closing my eyes, I began to take an inventory of each part of my body, feeling it and how it felt. I started with my toe, blood pulsing between the bone and skin, skin touching my sock. I tried to feel each toe, and then each bone in my foot, and slowly I let my awareness move up my body.

After a time, I reached my scalp, and how it felt. I opened my eyes, and got up. “May as well see if Raven is back,” I said to myself as I left my room and walked down the hall to hers.


	6. That Was… Interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans. But if I believed in that whole selling my soul thing…

I’ve always thought that there’s something not quite right about the Tower near Raven’s room. Robin and Cyborg have told me that it’s not possible and that it’s all in my head, but I don’t think so. As I approached the door to Raven’s room, the lights in the hall seemed to grow dimmer. Not a great deal, but enough to be noticeable. And enough to make me nervous.

I stood in front of Raven’s door, heart beating in my throat at 60 miles an hour. ‘You can do this,’ I thought to myself. ‘Besides, she’s probably not even back yet.’ I slowly raised my arm and curled my hand into a fist to rap on the door. And I stopped, arm raised. ‘Come on. Three quick knocks, and you can go back to your room. Then when Cyborg or Starfire ask, you can tell them that you tried.’

I knocked.

Every other door in the tower has a metallic ring to it when I knock on them. Raven’s looks the same as every other door in the tower, but it doesn’t sound the same. Instead of the “PTing” that I know I should have heard, Raven’s door gave the ominous, heavy “Thwump” that I imagined the heavy wooden doors of a ghost filled castle might have. 

‘Okay. Count to ten, then leave,’ I thought to myself. ‘One… Two… Three… Four… Fivesixseven,’ I began counting faster as I stood there, hoping that I would get to ten before Raven opened the door.

“What do you want, Beast Boy?”

I had been too preoccupied by my counting to hear Raven’s door open slightly. Startled, I saw Raven’s face half-hidden by the door, her hood down. “Oh, um, hey,” I said, as my brain popped into neutral. “I wasn’t really expecting you to be back yet…”

Her left eyebrow started to creep up the way it always did when she was suspicious of my motives. “So you knocked on my door, thinking I wasn’t in? You weren’t going to sneak in here, because if you did….”

“No, Raven,” I protested, interrupting her threat. “I came down to ask you something. When I sneak into your room I usually just transform into a fly or something…” I trailed off, realizing that I was thinking out loud. And from the way the vein in her temple was beginning to pulse, it was a very dangerous thing I had said. I jumped back from the door, raised my hands over my head and cowered. And I begged, “Please don’t kill me.”

I heard Raven sigh heavily, and open the door a bit wider. “I’m going to assume,” she began, “that your brain has been damaged from exposure to too many soy products and you didn’t just say that. Now, what did you want?”

“Oh,” I said, surprised that she wasn’t trying to “educate” me about the dangers of going into her room uninvited. I stood up and scratched the back of my head. When I realized I was indulging that particular nervous habit, I jerked my arm down. “I, um, came to see if you wanted to go do something with me tomorrow.”

She sighed again, and in her monotone voice asked me, “And what do you want me to do with you tomorrow? Go to the arcade? The comic book store? Or something equally pointless?”

‘Come on, Beast Boy, you don’t have to ask her to go meditate! Ask her to go to the arcade,’ part of my mind yelled within itself. As much as I wanted Raven to do things with me – and the rest of the Titans - I was afraid to ask Raven to go meditate with me. ‘What if she says no?’ I wondered to myself. And then my mouth took its own initiative. “Well, actually,” I found myself saying, “I’ve been going to this meditation group and wanted to see if you’d come with me tomorrow.”

Raven blinked. Slowly.

Then she blinked again.

I was starting to get a little concerned that her brain had broken or something, when Raven asked, “Is this another one of your pranks?”

“No, Raven. While this would be a good one,” I began, “it isn’t one of my pranks. I’ve been going to this meditation group for a while and I thought you might like it. So I came to ask if you’d like to come with me.”

“And what do you do at this meditation group?” Raven asked.

“Well, one of us introduces a different kind of meditation and we talk about it for a little while. Then we try that meditation for a little bit – usually about ten or twenty minutes – and afterwards talk a bit about our experience with it.” Remembering how private Raven can be, I quickly added, “If we want to. You don’t have to talk.”

Raven looked at me for a moment. Well, it was more like Raven looking through me. “So, when do we leave?” she asked.

“I’d understand if you didn’t want to come. I’m not really the sort that you think of meditating. But if you were coming, we should probably leave here about half past eleven,” I said. Then I realized what her question meant. “Wait! You mean your coming?”

Raven nodded. Then she added, “If this is the set-up for a prank, you are going to wish that you had never existed.”

“Look, Raven, no set-up. I promise. Meet you here about eleven-thirty tomorrow?”

“Fine,” she said, as she retreated into the dark depths of her room, closing the door between us.

Surprised at how well that encounter with Raven had gone, I started whistling as I walked to the kitchen in search of some soy chips.

* * *

‘Breathe,’ I was telling myself. I looked at the clock again, only to see that it still read 11:24. In six minutes I was going to go down the hall, get Raven, and go to the meditation group with her. If I didn’t explode first. I hadn’t been this anxious since I had tried to ask Terra out. I closed my eyes again, and tried to focus on my breathing. 

Four agonizingly long minutes later, I decided that it was close enough to eleven thirty. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran my hands through my hair, and stepped into the hallway. As I walked down the hall, I saw Raven come out of her room. ‘I can’t believe that Raven is coming with me to do something, and I didn’t have to spend like four hours begging and wheedling her. And all I had to do was try one of the things that she likes…’ I thought to myself.

“Morning, Rae, ready to go?” I asked.

Raven glared at me. “Haven’t we talked about calling me Rae? Don’t call me that. But yes, I’m ready.”

“’Kay, Raven. Shall we?” I asked, and motioned her to go up to the roof ahead of me. At the roof, I transformed into a ring-billed gull, and we flew into the city.

* * *

As we left the meditation group, I looked at Raven and saw that her amethyst eyes were puffy and a little red from crying. Much the way mine felt. We walked down the street in silence for a time. As we approached the corner, Raven slowed to a stop. My feet kept going for a few paces before I figured out that I should have stopped with her.

I turned and looked at her. She seemed different somehow. Fragile, perhaps. She was looking down at her feet – not something I’ve seen her do often. I asked, “You okay, Raven?”

She looked at me and said, “That was… Interesting. I haven’t tried trataka meditation before.”

I rubbed my eyes gently as I said, “And I don’t think I’m in any rush to try it again.”

At the meditation group today, we had tried trataka, or gazing, meditation. The exercise was to gaze into a candle that sat at arms length as long as we could. Then close our eyes and visualize the candle. When we could no longer maintain the mental image, we opened our eyes again and gazed. It wasn’t very long before everyone there had their eyes tearing. No real crying, just tears from intent gazing. And now my eyes –and from the look of things, Raven’s- were burning in protest.

Raven pulled her hood over her head, and began walking again. I matched her pace. “So,” she asked, “why did you start meditating?”

“Well, it’s kinda a long story,” I said.

“We’ve got some time,” she said. “I’m not in a rush to get back to the tower right now.”

I could hardly believe that Raven had come to do something with me, let alone not be in a rush to get back to the Tower. And now she wanted me to tell her why I started meditating. I thought about dragging her into one of the restaurants we were walking past and using their chalkboard for one of my elaborate explanations. But I decided that Raven deserved a more honest answer than that. “Well, it’s because of you.”

“Me? How so?”

“Raven, you remember back in the spring when I wanted you to go to the park with us and I spilled your tea with the football?” I asked.

“Yes, why?”

“Well, when you found me for your revenge, I was down in the garage explaining to Cyborg that I wanted you to come do more stuff with us. And trying to figure out how to get you to do that,” I said. “And Cyborg suggested that maybe you didn’t come with me because I never asked you to do things that you liked. I mean, really. I was always trying to get you to go play football or go to the arcade with me. So Cy suggested I try something that you liked, then invite you to join me for that.”

“So you took up meditation?” she asked.

“Well, it was either that, or sit and read with you. Which really doesn’t sound like doing something together. I know that meditation is a quiet activity, but I figured we could talk before and afterwards.”

“And how long have you been doing this?”

“A couple of months… I’ve been coming to the Tuesday and Thursday lunch groups pretty regularly. And twice a day at the Tower most days as well,” I answered.

“So you started doing something that’s completely against your nature so you could spend some time with me?” Raven asked.

“Well, yeah, I guess. You’re my friend and I wanted to do more stuff with you. And get to know you a little better. I mean, you’re the Titan I know the least about. You keep to your room, and hardly ever tell us how you’re feeling, and never talk with us. I know Robin, Boy Obsession, better than I know you,” I said. “Funny thing is, that once I started meditating, I discovered that I liked it.”

We walked on in silence for a bit. And when Raven spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Do you want to stop for some tea?”

I looked at Raven, trying to see her face in the shadow of her cloak’s hood. My stomach began to turn a little at the thought of tea. “Really, Raven, I’m glad you asked, but I really don’t like tea. Too bitter,” I said, frowning with anticipated indigestion.

Raven sighed, and said, “I’ll have tea. You can have a soda. And we can talk.”

“Oh,” I said. “I think I’d like that.”

And with that, we walked down the street in search of a café.


	7. It Doesn’t Look That Bad From Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own the Teen Titans. And Bubble-Up is a registered trademark of Monarch Beverage Company, so I don’t own that either. But it is tasty and good.

Raven and I were walking along the streets of Jump City, looking for a place to get a tea and soda. I could hardly believe that I was out with Raven, she wasn’t under duress and I wasn’t in fear of my life. 

However, I could believe was that the two of us agreeing on a place to stop and share a beverage wasn’t possible. We’d been walking for nearly a quarter hour now, and had yet to find a suitable café. When I suggested we stop at a Thursday’s, Raven had vetoed it and all other chain restaurants for crimes against tea. And I had nixed Raven’s usual place for being too creepy. So now we were looking for a compromise.

Just as I was about to give up and take a rain check on the soda, I spotted a promising sign. Specifically, I spotted the cursive script on the window of Camille’s Coffee and Tea Boutique. “Raven, how about there?” I asked, waving at the building across the street from us.

“I don’t know,” Raven began, “it seems a little … frou-frou, doesn’t it?”

I looked at Raven, then across the street at Camille’s. The building was painted in a mocha with cream trim theme that didn’t seem too gaudy to me. The awning was the expected mocha and cream stripe pattern. There were a few tables and chairs outside, and I could see more through the tinted windows. In short, it looked like nearly every other coffee house in Jump City. “Come on, Raven. It doesn’t look that bad from here,” I said. I knew that if I gave Raven a chance, she’d veto this place as well. So I grabbed her right hand with my left, and began pulling her across the street.

We were nearly across the street when Raven spoke. “Beast Boy,” Raven said in a tone I had learned to listen to or risk bodily harm. “Let. Go. Of. My. Hand.”

“Oh, right. Um,” I said as I complied with Raven’s request. I found myself strangely disappointed as our fingers parted. We finished crossing the street and I stood awkwardly, waiting for Raven to give me one of her lectures about personal space, or my poor impulse control or something.

“Fine, we’ll go to Camille’s,” Raven said. “But if we ever do this again, I pick the café.”

I thought for a second about the historical likelihood of getting Raven out of the Tower with me before responding. Realizing that it was fairly unlikely that we’d ever do this again, I decided that I wasn’t risking much if I agreed to her terms. And if we did do this again, being out with Raven doing stuff would probably make up for whatever creepy place she chose. “Fine,” I said.

We walked up to the door, and I pulled it open to allow Raven to enter first.

* * *

Raven and I were seated at an out of the way table in the back. I think that Raven had been a bit baffled when the girl at the counter had asked what kind of herbal tea she wanted. Not surprising, really. The few times I’d seen her order herbal tea when the Titans were out together, the server had just brought her a cup of hot water and a bunch of those cheap tea bags in a variety of flavors. After looking at the menu for a few moments, Raven had selected a lemon spearmint tea, which we were presently waiting on.

While I had thought that this was going to be just another generic coffee house, my opinion of this establishment had gone way up the moment I discovered that they had bottles of Bubble-Up®. “Raven,” I was saying, “you really ought to try a soda once in a while. And this,” I held the Bubble-Up® bottle in front of her, “would be a great way to start out. I think it is probably the best lemon-lime soda that has ever existed!”

“Listen, Beast Boy, you have been telling me how great that soda is for the last,” she craned her neck to look at the clock on the wall, “five minutes. I wasn’t going to try it when you started telling me about it, and I’m not going to try it now. And you’re starting to give me a headache. Would you…”

Raven was interrupted by the arrival of her tea. A young blonde girl came to our table with a tray that she rested on the edge of the table. “Here you go,” she said, as she carefully took things off the tray. Directly in front of Raven, she placed a small cup and saucer. Behind that our server placed a plain white teapot – steam coming out of its spout – and a small round tin and a spoon. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, thank you,” Raven said.

As the server walked off, Raven reached forward and picked up the spoon and tin. As she pulled the tin open, I saw the corners of her mouth start to edge up, just hinting at a smile. With delicate precision, Raven used the spoon to scoop out a batch of dried leaves, which she dropped into the teapot.

“This,” Raven said, “might not be that bad after all.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I was assuming that this place would have tea bags – like nearly every other restaurant and café in Jump City,” Raven said.

Now I was confused. True, I have never seen a tea bag in Raven’s possession. She always seemed to have little tins of loose tea leaves, but I didn’t understand why tea bags would be a bad thing. So I asked, “What’s wrong with tea bags?”

Raven looked at me for a moment before speaking. “Why am I not surprised that you don’t know?”

“How about because I don’t drink tea? But really, Raven, why don’t you like tea bags?”

“I don’t like tea bags because they are usually filled with dust and fannings,” she said. I know I looked confused, but Raven didn’t make me ask her before she explained. “When tea leaves – and the leaves for my herbal teas – are picked, they are allowed to dry, and then sorted by size. The smallest size is called ‘dust’ because it looks like dust. The next smallest size leaves are called fannings. Tea bags usually contain dust and fannings because it brews a relatively strong tea in a short period of time. The downside is that teas from dust and fannings tend to be bitter.”

“Raven,” I said, “I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say at once.” I hadn’t meant to offend her, but it looked like I managed to.

“Fine,” she said. And then she reached out and poured a cup of tea for herself.

“Look, Raven, I didn’t mean to upset you or anything. It’s just that you don’t talk a lot. And I was kinda surprised by your answer,” I said, hoping to smooth things over. I took a sip of my soda while I waited for Raven to say something.

“You’re right, Beast Boy. I don’t talk much. And I can see why you might not expect a long explanation from me.” Raven was looking down into her tea as she said this.

“And that’s why I don’t know you as well as I’d like to, Raven,” I said. “You spend a lot of time around us, reading and stuff, but you don’t talk with us much. Makes it hard getting to know you.”

“I suppose,” she said. “But there’s not much to say when you and Cyborg are playing on the GameStation and Starfire is fawning over Robin.”

“I can understand not having much to say to Star and Robin when they’re getting all googly-eyed at each other. But Cy and I play GameStation a lot of the time because we can’t think if anything else to do. You could just interrupt us,” I said.

Just then, something in my head managed to put what Raven had said about tea bags to use. I slowly put my Bubble-Up® down so I wouldn’t spill it. “Tea bags tend to have dust and fannings in them which make bitter tea. And I’ve only ever had tea from tea bags. So good tea might not be as bitter as I thought.”

Raven chose to take advantage of this insight. “Beast boy,” she said, parroting my words from earlier, “you really ought to try some tea once in a while. And this,” she held the tea cup in front of her, “would be a great way to start out.”

“Okay, Raven, I get the point,” I said. “Just because I like something doesn’t mean that other people have to try it. But sometimes I’m surprised by what I do like. I thought Cyborg was crazy for suggesting that I try meditation with you, but once I tried it, I liked it. Hey, I have an idea! Let’s take turns and tell each other about the things we like to do and why. Then maybe we’ll try them later.”

I watched as Raven slowly sipped at her tea. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should try new things,” she said.

* * *

Raven and I had stayed at Camille’s a lot longer than I had anticipated. We had talked about several things. I had told her about why I liked video games and campy sci-fi films. She had told me about why she liked creepy horror novels. We both talked about how pathetic it was that Robin and Starfire couldn’t see how they felt for each other. We hadn’t talked about growing up with our powers and knowing that we were different, but I was hoping that one day we might. Instead, it had been enough to talk about the little things that we liked, and the minor annoyances of living in the tower.

We were walking back to the bay, enjoying the sunset. The streetlights had just come on around us to help illuminate the dusk. Neither of us had spoken for a while, and I was beginning to feel like I needed to say something just to end the silence. But Raven beat me to it.

“I think I enjoyed today. May I come with you to the next meditation group?” she asked.

“I think I’d like that, Raven,” I said.

The streetlight above us picked that moment to go out. I saw the black glow around the bulb just before it died, but decided not to say anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Raven’s powers break something and BB doesn’t notice, is it still broken?


	8. Tales For Another Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans. But I do own a pair of sneakers.

It was a quiet evening. A father was sitting on the recliner in his living room. Across from him on the couch were his two children. The older child was a boy in his early teens. And if appearances were any indication, he would mature into a man much like his father. The younger child was a girl who appeared to have just entered the awkward stage between childhood and her teens. Family friends had long pointed out that she took after her mother in appearance.

The children were curled up on either end of the couch, lightly napping. The father was sipping iced tea from a glass. In all, the scene was very much like a Norman Rockwell painting of the American family. Except that the father and boy were both green skinned, and the daughter so pale she was almost white.

“Garfield Logan!” A stern whisper wafted into the room, “What are you doing? Do you know what time it is?”

Garfield Logan, who years before had been known by the world as Beast Boy, set his iced tea down on the table next to his recliner and turned to his left. He saw his wife of nearly fifteen years standing in the doorway. Sitting on the floor next to her was her blue suitcase.

“Hey, Rae, how was Bludhaven? Are Dick and Kori doing well?” Garfield asked as he stood up and walked to his wife.

Raven stepped forward and hugged Garfield. Then she pulled back slightly from the embrace to look him in the eyes, “They’re fine, and you’re changing the subject.” She nodded in the direction of the couch. “What are they doing up? It’s past their bedtime.”

Garfield smiled. “They were up,” he said, “waiting for you to get home. And I figure that staying up past their bedtime once in a while isn’t going to kill them. And they seem to be sleeping just fine where they are.”

Raven laughed slightly. “So what did the three of you do to pass the time? My flight was nearly an hour late,” she said.

“I told them a story,” Garfield said.

Raven looked at her husband, clearly skeptical. “A story. Which one?” Raven asked. “When you saved the world from space tofu? Or the one about your amazing grasp of history helping us stop Mad Mod?”

“Neither,” Garfield said with a chuckle. “Victor wanted the hear about the hardest thing I ever did as a Teen Titan and then Katie wanted to hear about the hardest thing you ever did as a Titan. So I told them about when I really started getting to know you.”

Raven’s eyes got bigger in horror for a moment as she asked, “You didn’t tell them about our first date, did you?”

“No I didn’t,” Garfield said. “That’s your story to tell. As are how you finally freed yourself from Trigon, and the first time you suggested that we go to the park and play some football. What I told them about was when I first asked you to meditate with me.”

As she rested her head against Garfield’s shoulder, the barest hint of a smile began to form on the curves of Ravens lips. “I like that story,” she said. “It has a happy ending.”

“Yes it does,” said Garfield. “Tell you what. I’ll put your suitcase in the bedroom if you’ll help me move those two to bed.”

“That would be fine,” Raven said. “But you’re going to have to let go of me.”

“I know. But I don’t want to let go,” Garfield replied.

“I know,” said Raven. 

With that, the two - friends, lovers and partners - broke their embrace to put their children to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to ff.net in 2005:
> 
> Well, that was fun. And not bad (I hope) for a first fanfic. This came from one of those half-waking dreams where I was wondering what would happen if BB tried one of the things Raven liked. And I rather like the result.
> 
> I wanted to tell the story from one point of view. I think that this story works better if we don’t know what’s going on in the heads of everyone else. Just what they say to BB and how he reacts. Change (at least for me) tends to be a gradual process and I wanted to avoid the “suddenly BB and Raven realize that they love each other” story line that I have seen many times on this site.
> 
> The writing about meditation is all based on my personal experience. Your mileage may vary. I have found it to be a calming practice that has had the unintended side effects of allowing me to mature some and argue with others less.
> 
> The writing about tea is based on the fact that I imagine Raven would be … particular about her tea. So I did a little research.
> 
> Hopefully any grammar errors have been inside of dialog – where they belong. Any other grammar errors you find, please feel free to tell me about. I usually write a chapter and let it sit for a day. Then I read it and make any changes I think it needs. Then I let it sit one more day before a final edit and post. I catch most of the errors that way, but not all of them.
> 
> Yes, I do have another story idea that has been rattling around in my head. Hopefully I’ll get it out in a week or so.
> 
> Finally, I would like to thank all the people who have read this and reviewed. I spent a bit of time as a lurker on fanfiction.net before writing this and now I wish that I had reviewed every story that I liked – and a few that I thought could have been better.
> 
> Peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you may have read this before. I'm finally moving my works from thier old home on ff.net to here.


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